Option a) because cats, man.
Option b) because when you need to get up, you’re going to pay them more attention - telling them they’re a stinker for being in the way, guilt petting before you kick them off your lap, even just physically trying to move them - and that actually reinforces the behavior of getting in the way right when you start showing precursor behaviors to getting up.
I honestly don’t know! I’m not sure if they simply reach to overstimulation more noticeably than other animals, or if they really are more susceptible to tactile overstimulation.
If I had to hazard a guess, it might be that cats are really dependent on tactile feedback? Think about how much information they get just from their whiskers: they help them gauge if they’ll fit through a space, sense changes in airflow, and even help them determine where prey is right before they bite down. It could be that cats are easily overstimulated because they’re so fine-tuned into the physical feedback they get from whiskers and other parts of their bodies - but that’s totally a guess on my part.
Give them time, and approach petting and being picked up like behaviors you’d actually train an animal to do. Work in small approximations, only at their comfort level, and reward them heavily for tolerating any part of the process. Don’t expect it to go fast.
I’d also ask you, though, to sort of self-examine how you’re approaching the situation. Why do the cats need to enjoy being petted or picked up? It’s important for them to tolerate such things, sure, so you can make sure they’re not injured and move them if there’s a safety issue, but past that? It feels like kind of a human priority thing: it’s important to us that our cats like these things we want to do to them, but we’re not taking into account that it might be okay for these animals to just have a preference for those things not being done. Will asking the cats to tolerate handling and contact they don’t like make them more comfortable at home, or will it just make you happier? Will they enjoy socializing more when being asked to allow petting, or will you just be more comfortable engaging with them socially through that method rather than figuring out how they prefer to be social with humans instead? I’m not saying you’re wrong to want to condition your cats to be more accepting of tactile interactions, but I do think it’s important to know what are human priorities being projected onto the cats that you’re telling yourself are “for their benefit”, versus what pieces of interactions it is actually necessary for them to be willing to tolerate to successfully coexist in a human home.
I can’t say for sure, but I’d hazard a guess that it’s because it’s her own private space. Pretty much all canids will exhibit denning behavior, and our dogs aren’t all that different. It might be that it’s a space she can get away from the other dog, or that she prefers tight spaces, but either way - it’s her spot. It probably smells like only her and gets nice and comfy in there.
Don’t ever let an animal practice a behavior that you don’t want to continue. Generally, that’s a rule people talk about with regards to babies and adults - e.g. don’t let your giant breed puppy jump on you if it’s something you don’t want them to think is okay as an adult - but I think it’s a great rule for all aspects of behavior management.
Make sure everyone who interacts with this puppy knows that hands are not for chewing, not at all, not even for a couple seconds, not even once if it’s really cute. Then, agree on what you’ll do if the puppy does try to chew on hands, so it’s consistent. If the puppy is teething, giving them another thing to chew on is great. If the puppy just wants to play, pull another toy out or find some way to engage play that’s incompatible with hand chewing. If the puppy is looking for attention or has learned it can get attention by chewing on hands, people should just be immediately disengaging for at least 10 seconds. Depending on the puppy, this latter might be just removing hands - but for very determined puppies who will keep attempting to chew on hands even if they’re behind your back, you might have to actually get up and move away. (Remember that indicating you’re upset about hand chewing, although cathartic, is still attention and will still accidentally reinforce the behavior). The more consistent everyone is with their responses to hand chewing, the less it should occur.
Cats can absolutely learn their names. Now, it may not be that the cat associates [name] with whatever internal awareness they have of existing, and that it identifies them, but that doesn’t mean that a cat might not learn their name as a cue for “pay attention to the human time.” Just because you haven’t reinforced paying attention to their name with treats doesn’t mean you haven’t reinforced it in other ways - like with affection - and it’s pretty likely to also have been used in high association with other positive things, like talking to your cat before feeding them.
I can’t really tell you if your cat understands your internal state, but if your cat isn’t reacting to your stimming in any way that normally correlates with an upset or stressed internal state on it’s part, we can at least say that it’s probably not interpreting your behavior as anything negative. Cats have the capability to learn what’s within the normal range of behaviors for other individuals, just like humans can - so I’d guess your cat has figured out that the expressive physical behaviors that comprise your stims are just normal behaviors for you and that they shouldn’t be overly concerned by them.
Because it feels weird, I think, is the most effective answer.
Think about how feet work, no matter what the species - they’re designed to be able to expand and compress under an individual’s weight, to squish and change shape as weight is put on them throughout the length of the stride, and then to pull back together as the foot is lifted. Adding a shoe to that totally changes how walking feels (because the foot isn’t in contact with the ground directly) and potentially how it can occur (if the shoe is solid in a way that restricts expansion of the toes). Soft rubber / plastic shoes like the ones that you can get to protect pet toes from extreme weather may not extremely restrict how their feet can move, but they’d definitely feel weird! And if there’s something weird or wrong relating to feet, what does anyone reflexively do? Walk gingerly until you figure it out / get used to it / the thing that feels weird falls off.
It’s entirely possible that she may not be uncomfortable with being petted! Remember, as humans, we have this tendency to interpret big wide-open eyes as being sad or emotional. There’s science, though, that points out that dogs we’re bonded with actually get an oxytocin boost from gazing into our eyes. So next time she does that, look at the rest of her face and her behavior to figure out what’s going on. If the skin around her face is still fairly relaxed and her posture is loose, and she’s actively gazing into your eyes, it’s probably a positive interaction for her!
As to why she pauses wagging and stands still, I can’t say. I’ve definitely seen some dogs who stop wiggling when you pet them but still enjoy the interaction. Maybe it’s a way to more thoroughly enjoy the contact, who knows. The best way to check is to pause with your petting but still offer your hand. If the dog chooses to re-engage by nudging your hand or bumping their body into your or anything similar, that means keep petting.
Cooked chicken bones can be very dangerous for dogs, because they’re brittle and can splinter easily. Here’s the thing why chicken bones specifically are scary - bird bones aren’t solid the way those of mammals are, and are instead full of air pockets. All those little pieces of bone between the air pockets can splinter and fill your dog’s GI tract with bone shards when they’re crunched on, and you don’t want them puncturing the lining of the esophagus, stomach, or intestines.
(Image Source: Going Public)
So yeah, it’s a really bad idea for your mom to feed cooked chicken bones to her dog. They don’t always kill dogs - if the dog swallows them whole, or just gets lucky - but it’s absolutely not worth the risk. Here’s a link on what to do and what symptoms to watch for if your pet has eaten a cooked chicken bone.
I would call and ask your vet about this, to be completely safe. I think it sounds like fun enrichment, but have some concerns that I don’t know enough to answer. If your cat doesn’t normally eat a raw diet, it doesn’t seem like a good idea to offer a raw bird - but bird bones also shatter and are dangerous to cats and dogs when cooked. If you’re not feeding whole, some of those concerns aren’t as relevant, but it sounds like maybe giving the cat “it’s own thanksgiving bird” is part of the fun here. It’s a cute idea, but run it by your cat’s vet to be sure.
“(cont.) I was wondering if there was anything you knew of that we could do to help her. She avoids my mother now, and we really want to help her get over it. Thanks for your time!”
That sounds like it’s really tough for the whole family. To start, can your mom switch her phone over to a vibration notification instead of a ringtone? That might be a bit of a temporary fix.
I think what you’re going to need to do is work on some sort of desensitization protocol and also find ways to minimize things that will spook your dog, but it’s not something any trainer can walk you through without seeing the dog and the triggers in person. Your best bet is to find a local, professional, positive reinforcement based trainer who has experience with resolving fear and reactivity issues. Good luck!
I don’t think that in this situation, there’s any “fault” here. It may be that something about the move or the new living situation or how your friends is managing / training him is working better for him, but that doesn’t mean that you’re wrong or that your care for him was done badly. It’s also worth remembering that animals continue to change and grow as they reach adulthood, and that his ability to take these steps with regards to situations he’s uncomfortable with might be due to increased maturity and could have happened if he’d stayed with you, too.
“(cont.) in the bed with us but doesnt find it comfortable and so moves to the floor? He also has a doggy bed in the room that he uses when we are laying in there watching tv but not at night. At night he is always in front of the door. (Backstory a bit, he was found at 6 months old by the shelter in an abandoned house, we adopted him at 10 months old, he has bonded really close with our slightly older dog 2 years old and me/husband/daughter, he flat out ignores our cat much to her happiness)”
Like your vet, I can’t get inside your dog’s head and tell you the answer to this one. Either of your theories could be correct: he could want to fall asleep with you but then finds the floor more comfortable, or he wants to be able to watch the door for some reason. It could be other things - maybe he wants to be in the room, but someone in the bed is so restless he’s learned sleeping on the floor is the only way to not get woken up a ton. It does just sound like a doggy quirk.
If you’re concerned about it being a physical health issue, you should talk to your vet about it during his next exam - bring with you video of the behaviors that concern you because they probably won’t occur in that setting. I certainly can’t even make a guess without a lot more data and some video, not to mention that it would be irresponsible of me to do so since I’m a) not a vet or a veterinary behaviorist and b) this is over the internet. So you’re way better off talking to someone face-to-face who has the professional credentials and appropriate licensing to help with medical issues.
I’d ask you though: if those behaviors aren’t detrimental to your cat’s welfare or quality of life, do they need to change? If your vet determines they’re not caused by a health issue, then you’ve just got a cat with some quirks. I know we’re sort of trained these days to assume that any deviation from normal in a pet’s behavior is bad or something we need to fix, but I thoroughly support letting pets be themselves - with whatever weird preferences, behaviors, or quirks they come with - as long as those things aren’t detrimental to their health and safety or the owner’s ability to keep them healthy and safe.
